Finding Yourself Through Cosplay: An Interview with Mar
For many people, cosplay is a creative hobby. For Mar, it became a lifeline: a way to explore identity, find community, and feel at home in their own skin. In this interview, Mar talks openly about growing up as a “black sheep,” discovering cosplay at a young age, and how portraying characters helped them understand and embrace being nonbinary.
“Cosplay gave me a way to be my true self”
Can you introduce yourself? What’s your name, where are you from, and how did you first get into cosplay?
My name is Mar. I’m from a small city near Amsterdam. Since I was a child, I’ve always loved dressing up. Growing up was hard for me because I often felt like the black sheep, but cosplay always gave me a way to feel “normal” in a sense, a way to be my true self.
I got into cosplay when I was around 10 or 11. As a kid, I was already really interested in costumes and dressing up, and when I got older and started getting into more nerdy things, I eventually stumbled across cosplay. A funny part of that story is that it actually started with a game called MovieStarPlanet. One of my friends from that game was a cosplayer at the time and made artbooks about her cosplays, showing her outfits and how she made them. Seeing that made me think, this is something I want to do.
Not long after that, I started working on my first cosplay, which I believe was Chara from Undertale. That cosplay stayed with me for a very long time. It felt like something that really fit me and gave me a way to express myself.
Discovering Gender Identity Through Creativity
When did you first start exploring your gender identity, and how has that journey shaped who you are today?
I was about 11 when I first learned about nonbinary people. By the time I was 15, I realized I identified with that label myself, especially because I was cosplaying characters of different genders.
While getting deeper into cosplay, I was exploring myself as a teenager and trying to broaden my horizons. Through cosplay inspiration and online spaces, I came into contact with a lot of LGBTQ+ people. That’s when I started seeing many nonbinary and trans people and began questioning how I felt. I thought that maybe this was something I identified with too.
I did some silly online tests and eventually joined my school’s GSA (Gender & Sexuality Alliance). The GSA at my school existed to support LGBTQ+ students, especially because many of us were being bullied or harassed. I joined to help organize activities that would normalize being LGBTQ+ in school. We did things like Purple Friday and helped educate teachers about trans students so they could better support us. Being part of that was really important for me.
Using Cosplay as a Safe Space to Explore Gender
How has your experience with cosplay intersected with your gender journey? Has portraying certain characters helped you explore or express parts of your identity?
Cosplay helped me explore my gender in a safe way without it feeling too heavy. Growing up in a small city, there wasn’t much LGBTQIA+ representation around. It wasn’t that it wasn’t accepted, but there also wasn’t much to go off of. Getting into the cosplay community really opened my eyes to what was out there.
At first, cosplaying male characters felt very taboo to me because I was assigned female at birth. I always felt like it was something I wasn’t allowed to do. That changed when I started meeting other cosplayers who were nonbinary or trans and realized it was okay to cosplay characters of different genders. That was when I began using cosplay as a tool to explore myself and figure out what I was comfortable with.
I started by cosplaying a lot of female characters, then a lot of male characters. A really important part of that journey was cosplaying Chara from Undertale. Chara is a canonically gender non-conforming character, similar to Frisk from the same game. For me, Chara reflected who I wanted to be at that moment, even though I wasn’t fully ready to be that person in my everyday life yet.
I cosplayed that character a lot, and for a long time it became what I was known for. In a way, it was similar to how some drag artists have a drag persona; Chara was mine. That cosplay played a huge role in helping me become who I am today. I’m currently in contact with a tattoo artist about getting a quote from the game tattooed: “Despite everything, it’s still you.” That quote means a lot to me, especially considering how much that character and cosplay have done for me.
The Moment Cosplay Became More Than a Hobby
What was the moment that made you realize cosplay was something meaningful to you?
I come from a city that isn’t very creative, so growing up I didn’t have many ways to express myself. When I discovered cosplay, I realized I could bring characters I loved to life instead of just watching them on a screen. That feeling was something I never expected.
Cosplay eventually became more than just dressing up. I’ve worked at local theme parks and played characters for kids, and I hope I was able to make a difference for them. During the COVID period, I was stuck inside and feeling really depressed. To express myself, I started making birthday videos in Disney cosplays like Moana and Alice for kids who couldn’t celebrate normally. Knowing I brought a smile to someone’s face made it very special to me.
Going to conventions feels like going home. I’ve made so many great friends through cosplay, and I met the love of my life because of it. It’s more of a lifestyle than a hobby for me, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Taboo, Pushback, and Finding Empowerment
Are there moments where expressing your gender identity felt particularly empowering or challenging?
There have been many challenging moments, especially early on when I started livestreaming. People would come into my streams and tell me that being nonbinary wasn’t real. At first, I tried to fight back every time, but eventually I realized I wasn’t doing this for anyone else: I was doing it because it made me happy.
One of the most empowering experiences for me was being part of my school’s GSA and helping bring new life into it. Later, volunteering at Amsterdam Pride was also incredibly meaningful. Being in such a big city, in a space where it was completely okay to be yourself, felt really special, especially coming from a small city. While those experiences were challenging, they also helped shape me into who I am now. I learned a lot from them and grew stronger because of it.
When it comes to empowerment, one of the first big moments for me was in high school. I felt very alone back then, so I joined my local GSA. At the time, it was almost inactive, so I helped bring new energy into it. I started helping organize activities and participated in every Purple Friday. That experience was incredibly empowering for me.
After finishing high school, I didn’t really feel that same sense of connection again until I participated in a school project that allowed me to volunteer at Amsterdam Pride. Being part of something so big, with so much history, and being in a space where I truly felt seen was incredibly special. Coming from a small city and suddenly being in Amsterdam: a place where it’s simply okay to be yourself, was almost surreal.
At Pride, I was mainly stationed at Pride Park, where I worked closely with youth. Supporting young people is something that’s incredibly important to me, especially LGBTQ+ youth, who are still figuring out where they belong. Being able to support them and help them feel less alone in their journey was one of the most empowering experiences I’ve had.
Feeling Seen Through Community and Collaboration
You’ve mentioned how meaningful community support has been for you. Can you tell us more about moments where collaboration and support truly made a difference?
Another really empowering part of my journey has been the relationship I’ve built with you all. I know it might sound sappy, but I genuinely adore what you do and what you stand for as a company. Being able to work so closely with you, seeing how much effort you put into supporting the community, and feeling like I’m even a small part of that means so much to me. Being seen, being valued, and truly feeling like I belong: not just as a collaborator, but as a person, is incredibly empowering. It makes me feel like I’m making a difference, not just for myself, but for the people who come after me.
Advice for Those Just Starting Their Journey
What would you say to or recommend to people who are just starting on their gender identity journey?
For people who are just starting their journey and aren’t sure yet, I would say: use hobbies like cosplay or drag to your advantage. Take the freedom that comes with dressing up and taking on different personas, and use that to explore parts of yourself.
Sometimes there is no shame in buying a packer just to see how it feels, or putting on a binder for a cosplay to see how that feels. Fun fact: I got my first binder for a cosplay. I ended up being so comfortable in it that I wore it everywhere. It was a really cheap, second-hand binder from a friend, I think it cost me about 20 euros, and I wore it so much that I completely wore it out. I should probably throw it away at this point, but I still have it because of the memories.
If you’re not ready to come out publicly yet, there is absolutely no shame in gender-bending, dressing a certain way, or experimenting privately to empower yourself. There’s no shame in getting a wig and trying it on, or choosing a character you feel inspired by and deeply relate to, just to see how it feels.
Ask yourself: Does this apply to me? Is this something I want for myself? Have fun experimenting. Don’t be afraid to make silly little characters do silly little things, to dress up, and to try different ways of approaching your identity.
You can find some cool pictures of Mar below! Thank you for the interview.
