Coming out or supporting someone who does often means running into the same frustrating one-liners. They are not new, and they are not based in science. This guide gives you clear answers, comebacks you can use in real conversations, and facts you can trust.
Key Definitions Everyone Should Know
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Sex: Labels given at birth, usually based on anatomy.
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Gender identity: Someone’s internal sense of who they are (woman, man, non-binary, etc.). This is not the same as sex, and not about sexual orientation.
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Sexual orientation: Who you are romantically or sexually attracted to (for example, straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual). This is separate from gender identity.
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Trans(gender): People whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth.
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Non-binary: People who do not identify solely as a man or a woman.
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Gender dysphoria: The distress that can occur when someone’s body or how others perceive them does not align with their gender identity. Not every trans or non-binary person experiences dysphoria, but for many it explains why support, affirmation, and access to care are so important (American Psychiatric Association).
These are not new ideas. They are recognized by major medical, psychological, and human rights organizations worldwide.
Science Says: It’s Real and It’s Biological
Decades of studies show that trans and non-binary people are not making it up. Neurological research has found measurable differences in brain structure and function that often align more closely with someone’s experienced gender than with their sex assigned at birth (Guillamon et al., 2016).
Put simply: when millions of people worldwide share the same lived experiences and science confirms biological patterns that match, this is evidence, not opinion.
If one person says they are a frog, that is their personal claim. But if a large group of people consistently describe the same experience of being trans or non-binary, and it is confirmed in research, that is reality.
Numbers You Can Use
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Netherlands: About 1% of people aged 15+ identify as transgender (~151,000 people). Around 45,000 identify as non-binary or genderqueer (CBS Netherlands, 2022).
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United States: About 2.8 million people aged 13+ identify as transgender. That is ~1% overall, with 0.8% of adults and 3.3% of teenagers (Williams Institute, UCLA, 2022).
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Global: Estimates vary, but most large-scale surveys suggest 0.3–0.5% of adults identify as transgender, with higher percentages among adolescents (Winter et al., 2016).
Myth vs. Fact
Myth: “There are only two genders.”
Fact: Sex and gender are not the same thing. Gender identity is about who you know yourself to be, and major health authorities including the World Health Organization recognize more than two categories. Many cultures worldwide have acknowledged non-binary identities for centuries.
Myth: “If I identify as a frog, am I a frog then?”
Fact: Gender identity is a human experience, observed across cultures and in millions of people. It is studied in medicine and recognized in law. Being trans or non-binary is not the same as pretending to be another species.
Myth: “It’s just a trend.”
Fact: What has changed is visibility. More people feel safe to be open now, but the proportion of trans people in population studies has been relatively stable (Williams Institute, 2022). Younger people simply have more language and freedom to express it.
Myth: “Kids are being forced into this.”
Fact: No one can force a gender identity. International medical guidelines like the WPATH Standards of Care, Version 8 emphasize exploration, patience, and careful support, not pushing identities.
Myth: “It’s only feelings, not facts.”
Fact: Feelings matter, but this is more than that. Brain scans and decades of clinical research show differences in trans and cis people that reflect lived gender identity (Rametti et al., 2011). This is measurable, documented, and consistent.
About Pronouns
People often say they cannot use new pronouns like they/them in English or hen/die in Dutch. The truth is, it is not about ability, it is about habit.
Language always changes. Words and forms that once sounded strange are now part of everyday speech. Younger generations adapt quickly because they hear and use inclusive pronouns more often.
Finding it difficult is not an excuse for refusing to try. It is not about being perfect, it is about showing respect. Every effort matters. You can always try and excuse yourself for making a mistake. It's about respect and showing that you care.
Ally Scripts for Everyday Conversations
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Correct gently: “Just a note, gender identity is not the same as sex assigned at birth.”
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Redirect the focus: “This is about respect for people’s dignity, not debating their existence.”
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Name and pronoun respect: “They go by [Name/Pronouns], could you use those?”
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Set boundaries: “I am not discussing someone else’s body. Please respect their privacy.”
A Voice From the Community
Sometimes, lived experience speaks louder than numbers. This part of a message, shared by @prinsdevos, says it all:
“You may have spoken to a trans person today without even knowing. You may have stood up on the bus for an older intersex person. You may have washed your hands in the bathroom next to someone who is non-binary.
And how did that affect your day? It didn’t.
About 1 in 100 people is gender diverse. 0 in 100 times does a cis person suffer because of it. But every time you spread your unfounded hate online, it does hurt someone. Someone who, just like you, simply wants a good day, free from bullying, humiliation, or attacks.
Gender diverse people have always existed and always will."
Reading List: Learn More Through Stories
For those who want to go deeper, here is a mix of non-fiction and fiction that captures trans, non-binary, and queer experiences:
Non-fiction
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Transgender History – Susan Stryker
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Gender Trouble – Judith Butler
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Trans Bodies, Trans Selves – Laura Erickson-Schroth
Fiction
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Nevada – Imogen Binnie
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Felix Ever After – Kacen Callender
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Orlando – Virginia Woolf
Why Your Voice Matters
Every time you respond calmly with facts, you make the world safer for trans and non-binary people. Most people do not change their minds on the spot, but seeds of understanding grow over time. Respect, care, and truth win out over fear and misinformation.
