In this edition of People UNTAGged, we meet Raven, a trans nonbinary person from the UK who recently reclaimed their name as part of embracing their true self. From the challenges of navigating dysphoria and growing up in an unsupportive environment to the joy of queer community and accessible binders, Raven shares their journey with honesty and hope.
"Finally coming back to myself I found I was only trying to fit into the binary and found that nonbinary fit so well with how I felt."
Thank you for making the time to have this interview. Could you start by introducing yourself briefly? Your name, where you come from, and how do you currently define your gender identity?
My name is Raven, I’m from the UK and I’m a trans nonbinary person. I changed my name legally to Raven recently as this is a name I explored when I first came out five years ago and Ray is such a perfect nickname thay makes me feel so comfortable in myself.
Has this definition shifted over time?
I had a few years trying to figure out my gender I first came out when I was fifteen but then went back to using she/her pronouns because a friend said I wasn’t trans enough. Then came out when I was seventeen to some of my other trans friends and changed my name to Ray because my best friend at the time always called me a ray of sun.
I used they/them pronouns right away after coming out but slowly experimented started using they/he pronouns then he/they pronouns and thought I might be a trans man. Finally coming back to myself I found I was only trying to fit into the binary and found that nonbinary fit so well with how I felt.
"You are so valid to explore who you are even if it keeps changing allow yourself to understand more about you."
When did you first start to feel that your gender identity might differ from what you were assigned or expected?
I started to feel uncomfortable with being referred to as a girl and feeling dysphoric around my chest area when I went into puberty. I wasn’t really sure what it meant and I was never told or educated on trans topics.
One of my friends at school was exploring their identity and that’s how I started to learn more about being nonbinary and learning more about trans identities and the trans community.
What are things that affirm your identity (styles, names, communities)?
I find that expressing myself through fashion makes me feel so euphoric in my gender. To be able to wear binders on my dysphoric days helps a lot with feeling comfortable in myself also.
How did you feel when you wore binder for the first time?
I find I don’t have a lot of people who I find talk about this particular part of binding. When I first put on a binder I was so excited but then I expected myself to be flatter. My dysphoria felt as if my chest needed to be concaved to feel comfortable in myself and in my body. So it shocked me when I first experienced it because I had heard so many stories of how euphoric it was for other trans people.
However the more I used my binder and the more euphoria I would feel especially when wearing gender affirming clothes. I also found that even when I got my first binder from a well known high quality company I found it hard to breathe as a person who is disabled and has POTs. So, I hardly wore a binder even when it helped with my dysphoria it didn’t help with my health.
Recently I did get a binder from UNTAG (from you). And it’s the most comfortable and breathable binder I’ve used in the last five years of being out as trans. It’s really accessible for disabled people.
"Find your safe spaces and connect to other queer and trans people."
Were there key moments or people who helped you realise or accept this for yourself?
I found that finding other queer and trans people made it so affirming to me that I was also trans. Especially when my best friend at the time helped me find the perfect name that really fits with me and who I am and even my gender identity.
Also, at school when my friend came out as non-binary that was such a big moment I really found I resonated but also being at a catholic school it was really hard to be out and be seen and respected. It felt like me and that friend couldn’t be open and honest about ourselves because it could make it unsafe for us.
What have been some of the hardest parts of your journey so far (social, familial, internal)? And how have you navigated those challenges?
I think one of the hardest parts of coming out was I could never come out to my dad. He was extremely homophobic and transphobic. Even if I wanted to come out to him at that time it wouldn’t have been safe either. I couldn’t even tell him I was queer and was dating women.
Are there people or spaces that have made you feel seen / accepted?
I found going to queer groups and being around my friends was such a healing and accepting part of coming out. Even now I am surrounded with queer people and it makes me feel so seen and heard. Going to protests, meeting up in queer spaces and groups. I am so grateful for my community.
What would you want to say to someone who is just starting to explore their gender journey and might feel scared / unsure?
I would say it’s good to be bold and let yourself explore who you are. If your family or current friends or people in your life aren’t accepting find the people who do. Find your safe spaces and connect to other queer and trans people. You are so valid to explore who you are even if it keeps changing allow yourself to understand more about you.
Can you share any tips or strategies you’ve discovered for making binding safer and more comfortable as a disabled person?
I’ve found that just listening to my body and knowing what it needs is the most important part as a disabled trans person. To know not to bind when having a flare up, to bind for shorter amounts of time in the day, to find other alternative then binders such as trans tape and knowing when our bodies are needing to breathe to let them. Binding is really gender affirming we just need to remember to look after ourselves and also be safe.
Do you feel like the conversation around binding and disability is getting more visible, or do you think there’s still a lot of room for awareness?
For me personally I rarely see people talking about being disabled and transgender. It tends to be two different topics of conversation that seems to not overlap when talking about both. I think it’s important we have more representation and have conversations of both together how that impacts us as individuals who are trans and disabled.
A big thank you to Raven for sharing their story with us. You can follow @rayofsun_0 on Instagram to see more of their journey, and take a look at the images below.
