Coming out can be a big moment, but it can also feel strange that it has to happen at all. Straight and cis people don’t need to make an announcement about who they are, yet for many LGBTQ+ people, coming out can be an important step toward living more openly and feeling seen. It’s something that should happen only when it feels right and safe. The following tips can help make the process a little easier and more affirming.
1. Take Time to Understand Yourself
Before sharing your identity with others, give yourself time to explore it. You don’t need to have everything figured out. Identities can change and grow over time. Journaling, talking with trusted friends, or connecting with queer communities online can help you feel more sure of who you are.
2. Learn from Others’ Experiences
Hearing how other people experience and express their gender can be really inspiring. Watching videos on YouTube or TikTok, or reading personal stories, can help you feel less alone and more connected to a wider community. If you’d like to get to know people in the UNTAG community, check out People UNTAGGED — a series where people share their own experiences with gender, self-expression, and authenticity.
3. Choose the Right Time and Place
You get to decide when and where to come out. Try to choose a moment and place where you feel as safe and comfortable as possible. If you’re unsure how someone might react, you can tell them through a message or letter first, or have a friend nearby for support.
4. Start with People You Trust
You don’t have to tell everyone right away. Begin with someone you know will listen and respect you, like a close friend, sibling, or mentor. Having a positive first experience can make it easier to come out to others later on.
5. Prepare for Different Reactions
Everyone reacts differently. Even people who care might need time to understand what you’re sharing. Try to give them space, but remember that your emotional safety comes first.
If someone’s reaction hurts you, reach out to someone supportive who can help you process it. Many queer people find strength in their chosen family, the people who truly see and accept them for who they are. You can read more about the importance of chosen family in this UNTAG blog post.
6. Practice What You Want to Say
It can help to think about what you want to say beforehand. You might even write it down or say it out loud to practice. You can keep it short and simple:
“I wanted to tell you something important. I’m non-binary, and I use they/them pronouns.”
Or:
“I’ve realized that I’m trans, and I’d like to start using a different name.”
Say it in a way that feels natural for you.
7. Build Your Support Network
Surround yourself with people and communities that make you feel seen and supported. That might be friends, online groups, or local organizations. Knowing you’re not alone can make a big difference.
If you need support, here are some helpful organizations:
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COC Nederland - advocacy and community for LGBTQ+ people
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Transvisie - peer support and information for trans and non-binary people
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The Trevor Project (International) - crisis support and resources for LGBTQ+ youth
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Switchboard or LGBTQ+ Helplines - for anonymous support
8. You Don’t Owe Anyone an Explanation
Your identity is valid, no matter who understands it or not. You don’t have to justify yourself or teach everyone about your experience. Coming out is an act of honesty and self-acceptance. That’s already enough.
9. Be Proud of Yourself
Coming out takes courage. Whether it’s a quiet moment with one person or a big announcement, it’s something to be proud of. You’re choosing to live more truthfully, and that deserves celebration.
Keep Going, Stay True
There’s no perfect way to come out. You might do it once, many times, or not at all, and all of that is completely okay. Trust your feelings, take things one step at a time, and remember that you deserve to be seen, respected, and loved just as you are.
